Essay

Lord of the Sandwich

By Duff McDuffee on September 19th, 2010 1

Today as I was making my lunch on my favorite biblically-correct bread (as ordained in Ezekiel 4:9), I noticed something rather peculiar, something shocking, something downright evil!

At first I thought it was the Virgin Mary, her image sprouted forth just as the Wheat, and Barley, and beans, and lentils, and millet, and Spelt had been sprouted per God’s baking instructions. I thought of the possibilities–could this be a sign? Perhaps a sign that I should sell this sandwich on eBay and finally pay off my student loans?

But then I took a closer look…

OMG it’s Tony Robbins! His giant teeth are unmistakable. Clearly The Universe is trying to tell me something…something evil has been sprouting and has evolved into a sandwich! A sandwich so delicious it’s evil, that pretends to be good for you but is really poison! There are dark forces who would have everyone eat what they are cooking up. One sandwich to rule them all! I must return this sandwich from whence it came so that nobody has the power this sandwich contains! But how? And who will accompany me? (I have a couple people in mind…)

To be continued…

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29 responses to “Lord of the Sandwich”

  1. […] bacon is not something that a hippie like @Duff would put on his biblically correct sandwich {classic […]

  2. viv66 says:

    But it has such a healthy looking filling…surely I see lettuce and things within. How can this abhomination be?
    Save yourself a long jounrey and getting you head messed with by weird Elvish ladies and give it to the dog! Any dog will do.

  3. […] promise to make sense of the sandwich soon, but first a thought about work, passion, and […]

  4. […] bacon is not something that a hippie like @Duff would put on his biblically correct sandwich {classic […]

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