This is part one of a multi-part series. Please subscribe to get free updates if you haven’t already.
Personal development saved my life, but not without some side effects. In college, I had been in a troubled relationship for a couple years and when it finally ended, I was overwhelmed with depression. I found that by focusing on the positive, making new friends, and trying new things, I pulled myself out (with a little help from a therapist who had more of a Life Coaching style). I surprised myself with my charisma and extroversion, having always been a geeky intellectual kid. But then I graduated, moved halfway across the country, and had to start over…in the Real World.
As a Philosophy B.A. and an anti-corporate, environmental activist, I wasn’t exactly well-prepared for the job market. I had worked at the Help Desk in college so I found a job doing tech support. While I was good at the work, I found the corporate environment stifling to say the least (I watched “Office Space” over 50 times during this period). One day I got sick with something awful. So weak I could hardly get out of bed for two weeks, I neglected to tell anyone—including my employer—and lost my job in the process. (I’m convinced now that my unconscious decided to quit for me since I couldn’t muster up the courage to do so consciously.)
I fell into a terrible depression. A friend of mine loaned me some of Tony Robbins’ tapes (Personal Power II) and I threw myself in wholeheartedly. On tape one, Robbins describes his own depression and how he overcame it by controlling his focus and physiology, as I had done in college but with far more enthusiasm. I listened to all 30 days worth of tapes in less than 2 weeks. I got myself pumped up, made a huge list of goals, and did every exercise and homework assignment. I suppose this is the point in the story where I’m supposed to say that my life totally turned around and now I’m a massive success, but it didn’t quite work that way….
Walkin’ On Sunshine
A few years later, a friend of mine who also was a Robbins devotee decided we should both go to a live seminar with the larger-than-life motivator. That’s how I found myself looking up at the Qwest building logo in downtown Denver, walking across burning hot coals with 2000 people. With drums beating in the background, everyone was chanting “YES! YES! YES!” There was no room for doubt. All fear had been overpowered by force of will. Later this came in handy when Robbins’ pitched his Mastery University, a multiple thousands of dollars series of “advanced” seminars taking place in exotic locations. Again Robbins worked the crowd into a frenzy of “YES!”, overpowering objections by any means necessary.
Nearly every technique employed for the firewalk employed aggressive positivity, actively negating reality through force:
- 2000 people in a huge conference room with 50-ft screens jumping up and down and clapping to loud music.
- Screaming “Yes!” when you are feeling “this is dangerous and possibly stupid.”
- Yelling “cool moss!” when you are feeling burning coals against the soft tissue of your feet.
- Making your “power move” to get into “a peak state”—a power move being an aggressive gesture (Robbins’ involves beating his chest like an ape) that stimulates a fight-flight nervous system response, overpowering subtler experiences.
The firewalk occurs on day one of the four-day “Unleash the Power Within” seminar (“the power within” is the power of emotion when consciously controlled and intensified). Walking on fire is a metaphor for breaking through fear. Since fear is supposed to be the only thing stopping you from achieving your dreams, once one has broken through fear there should be no obstacles to success. Therefore once one has walked across fire, they should very quickly become totally successful at all things by applying the same principles.
Unfortunately few contexts are relevantly similar to firewalking, as I found out the hard way. Achieving most personal outcomes requires patience, persistence, and flexibility, not an intense emotional display and impulsive action.
But this aggressive positivity does work in some contexts. Unfortunately it works by bowling over inner and outer objections. I have a distinct memory once of having a disagreement with someone after UPW. They had an objection to something I was saying, or some goal I had set for myself. I found myself raising my voice, becoming more passionate and expressive, and they immediately backed down. I realized in that moment that this stuff was dangerous—being aggressively positive in this way was a kind of emotional bullying, getting your way through force of personality. If you get emotional enough, others can no longer think rationally—most either enthusiastically agree or get disgusted with you and walk off. (Luckily I had some meditator friends who had cultivated enough equanimity to continue to rationally question me during this period. Lucky too that I had not been fully indoctrinated so I was willing to listen.)
It took me years to realize that this is also what I had been doing inside. The aggressive positivity of Tony Robbins had appealed to me precisely because it fit well with the self-hate I had already been engaged in. I forced myself to be happy because I didn’t know how to deal with my intense, painful emotions—especially the existential anxiety and despair I had encountered through deep contemplation as a Philosophy major. For me, aggressive positivity was a counter-phobic response to the existential condition…was this also the case for Robbins? How many aggressively positive self-help enthusiasts are engaged in self-improvement as a strategy to avoid confronting the inevitability of death?
Luckily the enthusiasm that I had displayed when running hard in the wrong direction was not all lost, for I was developing general skills that would be helpful once I finally turned around… (to be continued). Click here for part 2.
The Dysfunction of Positive Thinking (my title – 10 minute video):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5um8QWWRvo
Comment by Stephen Lark — June 30, 2010 @ 4:56 pm
Beautiful, thank you.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 1, 2010 @ 12:15 am
[...] Tony Robbins and the Cult of Aggressive Positivity, Part 1 … [...]
Pingback by Public Funding of Higher Education: Changing Contexts and New Rationales | Best Education Books — July 1, 2010 @ 1:31 am
Thank you, Duff. Your honesty and spot on perspective is a rare and wonderful thing.
Don't ever change!
(ha ha)
Comment by Neve — July 1, 2010 @ 9:29 am
Love it! Thanks Duff.
Comment by Tim — July 1, 2010 @ 10:25 am
Duff,
Great, insightful, valuable perspective.
Enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. I think this can be very helpful to people.
Rock on,
Shawn
Comment by @Shawn_Phillips — July 1, 2010 @ 1:44 pm
Duff, thanks for sharing your experiences with Tony Robbins and his material. I did read Awaken the Giant Within and go through the Personal Power Two set, but I haven't attended any of Tony's live events.
I did learn some useful things from his work, but I'm concerned about the value, efficacy, and safety of some of his techniques.
My recent post How Being Late Hurts You — And What to Do About It
Comment by John Soares — July 1, 2010 @ 4:13 pm
Hi Duff,
What I find dangerous about a lot of self-help is the rationalization that accompanies our decisions to acquire more self-help material.
If we're able to achieve tangible results with the material, then that's great. Otherwise, we should take an honest look at our decision-making, and not allow anyone to coerce us into buying things we don't really need, and to admit when we've made the wrong purchase.
I look forward to the rest of this series!
My recent post Why Are Kids So Damn Annoying
Comment by Haider — July 1, 2010 @ 5:33 pm
Thanks for this post. I enjoyed reading it. Overpowering difficult emotions with aggressive positive thinking doesn't work very well. It's similar to taking drugs and I wouldn't be surprised if the brain chemistry was the same.
Comment by Frank Schoenburg — July 1, 2010 @ 5:59 pm
James Ray's style is/was similar to Tony Robbins'. I don't know if it's sheer luck that Tony never had something happen like happened in Sedona at the James Ray seminar. It's amazing how easy it is to get caught up in things like that. Everything EVERYTHING feels like a cult to me: from organized religion, to new age groups/teachers, to gurus, to … I really fell, and fel hard for the Secret and all it's hype/hoopla. Boy is my face red now. In hindsight I can so clearly see the flaws and the sheer greediness that runs through the movie and those behind it. I so much want to believe in someone/something outside of myself to help me find my way. Aside from help via books, legitimate teachers, friends and cats, I think I'm pretty much on my own. And… now… after a long of painful trial and error… it's almost ok with me.
Comment by cac — July 1, 2010 @ 9:30 pm
Ha, thanks Neve.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 1, 2010 @ 9:55 pm
Thanks, Shawn. Hope this does help people–so that they can learn from my stupid mistakes!
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 1, 2010 @ 9:55 pm
I do think there are many useful things Robbins teaches. But I don't recommend powering through inner or outer objections, nor cultivating aggressive positivity or mania. The people who get the most from Robbins without the side-effects manage to leave these things out. I was not so wise.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 1, 2010 @ 9:56 pm
Most gurus encourage this behavior through their aggressive sales pitches and emotional appeals. If we had even a slight emphasis on rational thinking, sales would drop but popping the bubble would be a good thing in the long term IMHO.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 1, 2010 @ 9:58 pm
I also think it is likely to be similar brain chemistry to drug use. There was a time when I felt addicted to pumping myself up in this way.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 1, 2010 @ 9:59 pm
James Ray's style is similar to Tony Robbins because Ray copied Robbins—sometimes word for word! There is a YouTube video still on Ray's channel where he tells a "personal" story about meeting the owner of a restaurant that I heard Robbins tell. Ray eerily tells the story as if it is his own, copying everything down to the gesture and timing of Robbins. Of course Robbins is no stranger to embellishing a story for his own purposes!
Everything *isn't* a cult, but it makes sense that you would feel like everything is right now. I sometimes compare coercive groups and gurus to abusive or painful relationships. For a time after a relationship ends, we are afraid to love and for good reasons. It takes time to grieve, to sort out complex and painful emotions, and to figure out what constitutes healthier boundaries. It is foolish to get right back into a relationship, but it is also foolish to never again risk loving someone (in my opinion). Same with groups and gurus. Some teachers are wise and helpful. And falling in love with the wrong teacher can be a part of directing us to the right one.
And cats can sometimes be the best teachers!
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 1, 2010 @ 3:55 pm
Aloha Duff!
Mahalo for this post as it is helping me normalize a situation I have with a 28 year old family member who is struggling with this world of ours.This person sees through much of what others offer as help (much being aggressive positivity) and is desiring change on bigger levels- he is not just looking to just feel happier. I am reminded that when things cause us angst or despair it is because something is in need of being looked at and possibly changed…not that we aren't positive enough!
I look forward to more of the series.
Aloha, Gina
My recent post DSM five- Binge Eating now a psychiatric diagnosis
Comment by Gina — July 1, 2010 @ 11:57 pm
Thanks for sharing, Duff. I look forward to reading more of your story.
Comment by elaine — July 2, 2010 @ 12:23 am
Looking forward to the next instalment. Would like to hear if you did the fire walk.
I do think so much of the be disciplined and motivated line does come down to being unkind to ourselves.
My recent post Good Grieving
Comment by Evan — July 2, 2010 @ 5:19 am
Interesting story. I suppose less people would sign up for a course entitled "How to Bully Yourself and Others," or "Discretion is the Sissy Part of Valor".
My recent post Qigong 102- Secrets of Meditation and Emotional Balance
Comment by Martial Development — July 2, 2010 @ 7:16 pm
LOL
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 2, 2010 @ 9:23 pm
If you'll allow me a chuckle, I'd recommend this ice cream advert that used to run when I lived in New Zealand a few years ago: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF-EXZs4QOg
Comment by Joseph Gelfer — July 3, 2010 @ 8:55 pm
Hilarious!
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 3, 2010 @ 10:26 pm
The guy in that ad actually seems to be thinking about these issues quite seriously:
"What’s your beef with the self-help industry?: It’s about the kernel of truth that gets spun out over 395 pages. No one ever gets to the end. It’s like eating junk food – I couldn’t get to the end of Tony Robbins, I couldn’t. The other problem I have is it reinforces and doesn’t question a lot of the values we should be looking at very seriously in our society – rampant individualism and consumerism." http://www.listener.co.nz/issue/3566/features/118...
My recent post John Eldredge Speaks on La Familia
Comment by Joseph Gelfer — July 4, 2010 @ 6:05 am
You make some excellent points here. A very thought-provoking post. Keep it up. Michael
My recent post If you register your site for free at
Comment by Michael — July 4, 2010 @ 1:35 pm
[...] found it in a comment thread on the post “Tony Robbins and the Cult of Aggressive Positivity” from Beyond Growth…which in my view needs to be read [...]
Pingback by The darker side of positive thinking « Journey of Life — July 4, 2010 @ 6:53 am
Thanks, Michael. Interesting podcast site you have–I'm interested to check out more of your site.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 4, 2010 @ 8:00 pm
This recent video on "How to experience enlightenment" from a man I know puts it far better than I could: http://openenlightenment.org/?p=457
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 5, 2010 @ 9:40 pm
Aloha Gina!
I'm so grateful my article could help normalize the family situation you are facing. Wrestling with deep demons can take some time–being too quick to "see the bright side" can sometimes cut short the process of healing. Seeing things very clearly and compassionately, and using patience and persistence seems to be the key IMHO.
Best,
~Duff
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 5, 2010 @ 9:42 pm
Yes, I did the fire walk. My feet were ok after, but my friend had minor burns.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 5, 2010 @ 9:43 pm
Well put. Interesting that he couldn't get through Robbins yet was able to mock him so accurately.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 5, 2010 @ 9:43 pm
"Seeing things very clearly and compassionately, and using patience and persistence seems to be the key" Wise words indeed. Mahalo Duff!
My recent post DSM five- Binge Eating now a psychiatric diagnosis
Comment by Gina — July 5, 2010 @ 10:22 pm
ah man, this article gave me some flash backs. Summer 2007 and I'm all fired up after having just shattered a board with a karate chop at a Tony Robbins event in San Diego. My chest is out and I've got the swagger of a rooster… until I look to my right and watch an 80 year old woman scream "hiiiiiiiiiiYA!" and break her board. Ego check.
great topic and series. Looking forward to parts 2 and 3!
~Mike
My recent post Raw Food- The Last Word In Nutrition
Comment by MikeRoberts — July 7, 2010 @ 2:52 am
Ha, nice.
I think Robbins must use thinner boards 'cause at a James Ray event, somebody broke their hand karate chopping a board.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 7, 2010 @ 2:56 am
OMG do you have a reference for this? Newspaper article maybe?
My recent post Board Breaking Tips- How Anyone Can- Why Nobody Should
Comment by Martial Development — July 11, 2010 @ 8:59 pm
I've seen this reported many places. The most recent was in this 45 minute episode of "Mind Games" on ABC:
http://abc.go.com/watch/mind-games/SH5572513/VD55...
I think this show is only playable in the US.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — July 11, 2010 @ 9:39 pm
[...] is part 2 in a series. Best read part 1 first if you haven’t [...]
Pingback by Tony Robbins and the Cult of Aggressive Positivity, Part 2: How Positive Thinking Can Make You Depressed | Beyond Growth — July 14, 2010 @ 11:56 pm
Great article
Comment by Doug Bremner — July 15, 2010 @ 2:50 pm
Duff, great post! I resonate with this on many levels. I also discovered Tony and Personal Power in my early college days and felt that it ultimately gave me the (initial) breakthrough I was looking for. In a strange way I still have an affinity with Tony because of this, but also recognize the limitations and pitfalls of programs like this.
I actually wrote a post a few years ago reflecting on my experience with Personal Power (http://eric-blue.com/2006/09/02/the-ebb-and-flow-of-goals-and-personal-growth/). Since that time I've reached conclusions similar to yours. Because of Tony's shear charisma and the extreme emotional charge (leverage) you can get from the tapes/seminars, you definitely get enough energy to build momentum and make some breakthrough changes.
If you're philosophically inclined (like you are) the simple process of asking questions, doing the exercises, and writing in the success journal helps build some critical reflective and introspective skills. For me, this was one of the most valuable parts of the program. I think it helps offset (or maybe even enhance) the emotional rampage/frenzy you get from some portions of the program and balances with a bit of clarity.
So, do I think Robbin's programs are effective for some people and some situations? Absolutely… it completely depends on the individual, where they're at in their own development and the results they want to achieve. You can learn some techniques and strategies that allow you to make change. But, you can't fool the soul
Extreme emotional energy and some short-term clarity on tangible goals can produce some results. But, I don't think programs like Personal Power lends themselves to helping people listen to their inner voice, and provide strategies for making changes that require significant amount of time or cultivating the patience required for long-term growth. Rapid change is possible, but is rapid the right approach, and are you really changing the things that should be changed?
My recent post Weekly Lifestream for July 18th
Comment by ericblue76 — July 21, 2010 @ 8:23 pm
[...] of Beyond Growth already know some of my opinions about Robbins and his approach to personal development, something I call “aggressive positivity.” Tom [...]
Pingback by Review of Tony Robbins’ “Breakthrough” | Beyond Growth — July 28, 2010 @ 3:09 pm
[...] principle also explains why for instance walking across burning hot coals barefoot is not good preparation for “facing your fears,” but really just for walking across hot [...]
Pingback by Personal Development and the SAID Principle | Beyond Growth — July 30, 2010 @ 1:52 pm
[...] power of aggressive positivity Personal development can save lives. This is an example of [...]
Pingback by Effective management – time, leadership and positivity — August 2, 2010 @ 7:26 am
Well done and provocative. I appreciate the reference to avoiding the reality of death – basically Robbin's represents another distraction that emotionally powers past the fear – and eventually that is going to break down. It's not sustainable.
I watched a recent vid of his about the current economical status and how that is going to change in the coming months. He was talking about how folks with investments and tied up money would protect that; even grow it. What a narrow audience – most folks I know are worried about protecting their jobs – how they will keep their house – medical insurance for their kids and the paperwork for food stamps – not protecting excess.
Made me wonder.
Comment by Sheri Lynn — September 6, 2010 @ 4:06 pm
Thanks for the comment, Sheri. Indeed, the rich will get richer in a recession, but is this good news for the middle class and poor? Hardly.
Comment by Duff McDuffee — September 6, 2010 @ 5:51 pm